The Dichotomy (Trichotomy) of Me
The Dichotomy (Trichotomy) of Me
I'm a super hero. My other name is mom. Some days I really connect with my kids. Other days it's harder. Same for my patients and their families. In fact, I had my Snow White 'cape' flowing behind me on Halloween when I was at work last week. It was flying because I was hoping to get done to get home in time for trick or treating. That’s a direct balance between career and family! (And, yes, all day I kept thinking of Edna Mode from The Incredibles decrying 'no cape!'.)
Unfortunately one of my girls has been unhappy lately. She didn't enjoy trick or treating at all. And she LOVES to hand out candy and see all the costumes even more than she loves to trick or treat. But she wasn't feeling it this year. So my husband took her home while I stayed out trick-or-treating with our other one. Story of our lives. (Side note: I often wonder what our lives would be like if Macy had lived. I don’t just mean how much our lives would be different with a kid with special needs, but the fact that my husband and I would then be outnumbered. Scary thought. Kudos to all the single parents out there, or those who are otherwise outnumbered.)
Like I said last week in a previous post, parenthood is the ultimate job audition—every minute you’re problem-solving and learning to balance being flexible with being able to compromise appropriately. Sometimes I succeed. Other times not so much. (But in those times, my husband fills in the gaps. Luckily.) In this same way, having the privilege of taking care of kids as an occupation, I balance between the art and science of medicine while taking care of my patient’s needs while also keeping in mind their parents’ needs as well.
Little Lion made me this plate above for Mother's Day. Do you know I missed the Mother's Day celebration at school with Mini Me this year? I had the flu, even though I got my flu shot. And, yes, I still have guilt over it even though I sent my twin in my place. (I have an actual twin, not a clone.) The thumbnail pic above is LL and me walking in Laguna last week--she's wearing her new Naida cloak that I finished just in time for Halloween. This picture was taken right before she had a meltdown in one of the boutiques because I wouldn't buy her the $74 boots that I knew she wouldn't wear. Thank you to the shop person for being understanding. Posted with Permission
And my transition to private practice is another thing all together. I’m enjoying it, but I’ve always enjoyed being a doctor. It’s the bureaucratic/political stuff that used to get to me. I just want to focus on the medicine and on the child in front of me. So, for me, that’s the biggest benefit to going into private practice, plus the added benefit of continuity. For all the people reading this who come to my current practice (and all the ones I work with), thank you for the warm welcome. It’s been a wonderful transition, a new adventure for me. (And thank you for coming to Dr Bookworm to read my ramblings and reviews!)
I love being a mom, every moment. I also love being a doctor. I love that moment of connection, when I sometimes feel like I can make a difference in someone's life. So sometimes I'm running a bit behind and I'm sorry. And sometimes I don't get it right because I'm human. But sometimes I get a smile from a little one or their grown-up. And I know everything is going to be okay. Because, for just that moment, I’m a super hero, just without the cape.
As parents (and as a doctor), we don’t have to be perfect. I just try my best every day. And that’s what counts.
