TENTH Birthday Ten Book Giveaway

In the early morning hours one day last week, I got this great idea to ask my patient’s parents if they wanted to write about their first year with their rainbow baby, who recently celebrated her first birthday. Then I thought back to my first year with Little Lion, my rainbow baby. Do I remember any of it?

Mostly no. I just remember sleepless nights and breastfeeding and holding her close. Plus the JOY JOY JOY that our rainbow baby brought into our lives. Always bittersweet.

Because it’s always incomplete to talk about the first year (or my last eight years) with my rainbow baby without talking about my Macy Button too.

Macy would be, should be turning ten in January. TEN. It feels like I should stop talking/thinking about her in my every day life, but I don’t. I won’t.

(Even if I don’t talk about her to everyone.)

Another thing I remember? Mini Me’s laughter. Mini Me’s delight at bringing home her sister this time. Mini Me and Mr. Bookworm helping me navigate every single moment in my heart.

I also know that I was seeing a wonderful psychologist, one who specializes in infant loss. I started seeing her three months after Macy died, which was three months before I got pregnant with Little Lion. We planned for all three of our pregnancies, and were blessed to get pregnant right away each time.

I remember not feeling guilty regarding our decisions with Macy. But perhaps I felt guilty at feeling JOY again? I definitely felt stressed and sometimes tearful and it was well, therapeutic, to talk to someone who understood.

When did I stop seeing my therapist? When Little Lion was one year old. I arbitrarily chose that day and it was a good decision.

Do I recommend therapy for everyone who has lost a baby or child?

Absolutely.

It’s not the ‘natural’ order for things and our hearts need a little help.

Ten Book Giveaway Announcement

Last year, in anticipation of Macy’s ninth birthday, I featured nine non-profits that I wanted to support. This year, I’d like to invite you to celebrate Macy’s TENTH birthday with me. That’s right, YOU.

Every year, we celebrate Macy and her short life. She taught me so much about myself, though I’m not sure everyone would understand that. She also reinforced my love and respect for Mr. Bookworm, who has been a true partner to me every step of the way. On Macy’s birthday, we take the time off work and school to celebrate her and celebrate our love for her. We also have cake, of course.

This year, I’m sending out TEN birthday ‘treat bags’ in the form of books. I’ll send out more information in January and will pick ten winners from those of you who wish to participate. Whoever is chosen can choose a book from a specific list and the Bookworm family will send it out to you in honor of our Macy button. Full details to follow in January.