My type of PTSD

Sharing Macy's Story while still having PTSD

A good friend said that I was 'relentless' in sharing my story about Macy.  And while it doesn't sound quite right the way I wrote it right now, I knew what she meant.  I do share my story because I want others to feel like they can share theirs.  Sometimes we can't share our stories, and that's okay too.  Sometimes our brand of PTSD is too much.  I've seen so much. I've heard so much.  I've been the listener in some of what has happened.

So years later, I still cringe when I see a labor scene on television.  It's drama.  Something bad can happen, and usually does. I was struck with a bit of anxiety when I watched the pilot episode of the first season of This is Us.  I've been hearing about this show but didn't know anything about it.  It's wonderful....and I still cringed when Mandy Moore went into labor with her triplets and when her husband was cavalier and brave and saying everything was going to be okay.  And I still couldn't fully watch the aftermath.  Even if it was done well, and with heart, and with taste.  It still hurts. 

So I say that I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder for pregnancy and infant loss-related things.  But I still try to share my story, especially with families who need to hear it.  They may not be going through the same thing, but I think sometimes it's good to know that your doctor understands what your fears may or may not be.

Labels and Diagnosis/Diagnoses

Is it interesting or not that I still have PTSD?  By definition, PTSD doesn't really go away....it's just that not everyone understands that I have PTSD.  I didn't know it myself until I heard my therapist say it off-hand.  Like it was a given.  And that it was okay.

Just like I didn't realize that I had 'depression' until she said it.  I thought I was grieving.  But I also wasn't functioning as well.  So "acute depression" it is.  It's interesting that we tend to stay away from 'labels' and 'diagnoses' even as medical professionals.  But, years later, I can say that I had depression.  And that it was okay.  I'm okay.

Through the years, I have had several (maybe dozens) patients who have likely undiagnosed (unofficial) autism.  Or 'are on the spectrum' as it seems to be the okay way to state it.  Most of these patients are 'high-functioning', so you may not realize it right away.  Until something happens that makes you understand the way they are reacting to a situation. 

Recently I told one of my families who is debating an evaluation that it's okay.  It's just a name.  It doesn't change who this kid is, because it really doesn't.  I wholeheartedly believe that.

But insurance companies, on the other hand, will only pay for certain therapies if a kid has an OFFICIAL diagnosis. It's just the way it is.  There are many things I would change about our insurance/medical system in the US and this is one of them. 

When I am an Old Lady, I Shall Wear Purple

Well, I'm not exactly an old lady yet, but I'm definitely solidly in my forties.  And I'm wearing purple today in honor of Macy.  Why purple?  I'm not sure, but I associate it with royalty.  And the trisomy 18 community is celebrating T18 awareness today in the form of the color purple.  So I shall wear purple for my little one who is still loved (and still talked about) very much.

xo

(Featured photo of the Bookworm family posted with permission of all Bookworms, especially Little Lion Bookworm who just got glasses today.)

Tell Dr. Bookworm

What's your label or diagnosis?  If you're brave enough to share, I'm listening.