Always

This is the time of year that marks the birth and death of my middle daughter, Macy.

We put up her Macy countdown calendar and, as always, I’m loving all the bookish quotes inside the envelopes.

I never really know how the grief will hit me in January. Usually I’m just quieter, more withdrawn, more kind to myself in letting myself do whatever it is I want to do.

This year, we likely will not go to our ‘happy place’. For the past several years, when Macy’s birthday has fallen on the weekend, we have taken a family trip to one of our favorite places. It’s a bittersweet trip, but always rewarding in the special time we have just the four of us. In previous years, we have gone to Disneyland, Universal Studios, Legoland, or the beach on her birthday. We take the day off work and school to celebrate her short life.

And this year is no different. Even if, like so many things affected by the pandemic, we have to change our plans.

This year Macy would be turning twelve years old. And, yes, I will always grieve her because she is my daughter.

That’s the love I think of when I see this Harry Potter quote. I know it’s meant between Snape and Lily Potter, but yes. Macy will always be in our hearts and minds. After all this time. Always.